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RELATIONSHIPS & DATING
Healthy
Relationships:
Healthy relationships are fun and make you feel good about yourself. You can
have a healthy relationship with anyone in your life, including your family,
friends and dating partners. Relationships take time, energy, and care to
make them healthy. The relationships that you make in your teen years will
be a special part of your life and will teach you some of the most important
lessons about who you are. This guide was written to help you understand
different kinds of relationships, what makes each relationship special, and
how to communicate in a positive way. We have included common stories and
fun ways to work on many kinds of relationships.
Statistics
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Of all
crimes, rape is one of the most underreported, making it difficult to
count (Bachar and Koss 2001). The National Women's Study found that 84%
of women did not report their rapes to police (Kilpatrick, Edmunds, and
Seymour 1992.
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In 8 out
of 10 rape cases, the victim knew the perpetrator (Tjaden and Thoennes
2000).
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According to the Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (YRBSS), a
national survey of high school students, approximately 9% of students
reported having been forced to have sexual intercourse against their
will in their lifetime. Female students (11.9%) were more likely than
male students (6.1%) to report having been sexually assaulted. Overall,
12.3% of Black students, 10.4% of Hispanic students, and 7.3% of White
students reported forced sexual intercourse (CDC 2004).
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Data
from a study of 8th and 9th grade students showed 25% had been victims
of nonsexual dating violence and 8% had been victims of sexual dating
violence (Foshee et al. 1996).
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Nationwide, 9% of students reported being hit, slapped, or physically
hurt on purpose by their boyfriend or girlfriend in the 12 months prior
to being surveyed (Grunbaum et al. 2004).
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Among 10
to 24 year olds, homicide is the leading cause of death for
African-Americans, the second leading cause of death for Hispanics, and
the third leading cause of death for American Indians, Alaskan Natives,
and Asian Pacific Islanders (Anderson and Smith 2003).
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Of the
5,486 homicides reported in the 10 to 24 age group in 2001, 85% (4,659)
were males and 15% (827) were females (CDC 2004).
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40% of
teenage girls age 14-17 report knowing someone their age that has been
hit or beaten by a boyfriend.
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Between
4% and 30% of rape victims contract sexually transmitted diseases,
including HIV (Koss and Heslet 1992; Murphy 1990).
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Healthy relationship versus unhealthy relationship |
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What is a healthy relationship? |
What is an unhealthy
relationship? |
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Your partner listens to your
thoughts and feelings. |
You feel like you cannot live
without your partner. |
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You feel safe being with your
partner, both alone and with others. |
You stop seeing other friends or
family, or give up activities you enjoy because your partner
doesn't like them. |
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Your partner encourages you to
spend time with your friends and family when you want to. |
You feel like you have to "walk on
eggshells" to keep your partner from getting angry. |
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You decide together when, and if,
to have sex. |
You are afraid to tell your
partner your thoughts or feelings about the relationship. |
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Your partner allows you to make
your own decisions and supports you in those decisions. |
You stop expressing opinions if
your partner doesn't agree with them. |
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You feel happy, loved, and
satisfied in your relationship. |
You feel that you are the only one
who can help your partner and that you should try to change
him/her. |
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Your partner encourages you to
maintain those things that are important to you, and to pursue
your individual interests. |
You stay because you believe that
your partner will kill himself/herself if you leave. |
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Your partner is respectful towards
you when alone and with others. |
You believe the critical things
your partner says about you. |
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Your partner recognizes your
strengths and accomplishments and gives you credit for them.
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You believe that there is
something wrong with you if you don't enjoy the sexual things
he/she wants you to do. |
Violence and
dating
Ninety-five percent (95%) of relationship violence involved a male batterer
and a female victim. Violence committed by either victim is wrong and is not
part of a healthy relationship. Victims of domestic violence have diverse
racial, socio-economic, age and educational backgrounds. A person can be
abused whether she/he is black, white, poor, rich, petite or tall.
An estimated 28% of young people experience violence in a dating
relationship, about the same rate as adult domestic violence.
Domestic violence
is the number one cause of homelessness among teens. One out of every 10
teenagers will experience violence is their dating relationship and 25% of
pregnant teenagers experience physical violence in their relationships, 40%
to 60% reporting that the battering had begun or escalated after their
boyfriends became aware of the pregnancy.
Ten (10) Warning signs of dating violence:
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Jealousness
and possessiveness towards you.
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Attempts at
control by being bossy to you.
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Frightens or
intimidates you into fearing how he/she will react to things you say or
do.
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Is violent and
loses temper quickly.
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Pressures you
sexually.
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Abuses alcohol
or drugs.
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Blames you
when he/she mistreats you.
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Has a history
of bad relationships.
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Believes men
should be in control and powerful while women should remain submissive
and passive.
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Your family
and friends have warned you about this person or told you they are
worried for your safety.
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