PARENTING AN ADOLESCENT

Adolescents need their parents more than ever, but in a different way. The basic aspects of parenting teens are the same as when they were little. Your teens need you to shower them with love, establish discipline and provide emotional support and direction. But your parenting skills must evolve to fit this new person your son or daughter in becoming.

Getting teens to express themselves in words other than "yeah, nope or whatever" is a challenge for most parents. Yet it's more important than ever to keep the lines of communication open. The first rule of communication is, "Never stop trying." Their lack of response doesn't mean they aren't listening. The following tips will help you both listen and talk in ways that will keep the doors of communication open.

Practice Active Listening.

Pay close attention to your teen's body language, tone and inflection and facial expressions. These all convey important information.

After your teen finishes speaking, clarify the problem or question by repeating back your interpretation of the central idea without being judgmental or critical; for example, "I want to make sure I'm hearing you correctly, so let me repeat what you just said..."

Refrain from offering advice until you're sure you understand all the details. Then ask, "Would you like to know what I think might be the best way to handle this?"

Look at your teen when the two of you are talking.

Maintaining eye contact is a way of communicating that you're genuinely interested in what your teen has to say.

Don't interrupt.

Respect your teen's right to express an opinion even if you disagree. And if that opinion is based on a misconception, hear them out before correcting them-tactfully and without being condescending.

Watch your tone of voice.

When you ask questions, don't use an accusatory tone as though you're interrogating. And don't bark even if you're tired at the end of the day.

Ask questions that elicit conversation.

Create opportunities for discussion by asking questions that compel your teen to describe, explain or share opinions. For example, "How did your English class like your speech this morning?" will draw out more information than, "How was school today?"

Grab opportunities for conversation whenever you can.

Car rides are great times to talk because you're both in an environment free from many distractions. You're also usually sitting beside each other, not face to face, which is less confrontational.

Repeatedly reassure your teen that he or she can come to you with any problem.

If you do this, you must make good on your promise by not conveying shock or disgust, even non-verbally. You can say, "I may not approve of everything you do, but no matter what I'll always love you."

Keep your antenna raised for signals that your teen wants to talk.

Your child might want to confide in you but is too self-conscious or scared or doesn't know how to begin. Clues might be:

• Questions concerning "a friend" with a problem

• Questions about your own adolescent experiences

• A magazine left open on your teen's bed, turned conspicuously to an article; for example, "Teenagers Get Depressed Too."

Source: American Academy of Pediatrics